Road Trip
by MrPresident
Summary: This story does exactly what it says on the tin...if it had a tin. *Updated* now with Chapter Four [Warning:B/X]
1. Sunnydale or Bust!

Road Trip

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**Chapter One – Sunnydale Or Bust!**

****

Somewhere in the middle of America on an anonymous stretch of highway there was a car speeding across the landscape. The car was not usual around these parts however the car isn't what is important. What is important is the people inside that car. The one at the wheel was male, early 20s and with thick medium length brown hair. He was looking straight ahead but occasionally he turned to his right. The reason he did this was because on his right was a female, also in her early 20s, blonde hair but she was engulfed by a giant road map. 

"Are you sure we're on the right road?" Asked Xander.

"Yes!" Buffy shouted back. "I think so. Probably."

"That isn't exactly filling me with confidence."

"Yes we're on the right road."

"Certain?"

"Yes." Answered Buffy with a I haven't got a clue where we are face.

"Then why do have the I haven't got a clue where we are look on your face?" Asked Xander after noticing the I haven't got a clue where we are face on Buffy.

"I haven't got…that look."

"You so do."

"Like you're an expert on faces."

"I know your face."

"Then you know what this one means." Said Buffy with a [censored] face.

"No Buffy I don't want to sleep with you."

"What?"

"That was your come to bed with me Xander I want to make sweet, sweet love to you face, wasn't it?"

"You're sick, you know that. You're like the most sick guy ever and did that sign just say what I think it said?" Asked Buffy without pausing.

"Probably a typo."

"I was going to say…coz that is way too expensive."

"How would you know?" Said Xander while looking at Buffy with raised eyebrows.

"Trust me."

"There is an upside to all this."

"To being stranded in the middle of nowhere and having drive all the way back to California?"

"Yeah."

"This is going to be good."

"We get to see America."

"At 80 miles an hour."

"Still."

"I suppose your right. Maybe you making us miss our flight wasn't all bad. Why did you do that, again?" Asked Buffy turning to look Xander in his eyes. 

"I had my reasons." He said returning the look and with a huge grin.

"Which were?"

"Good."

"You still won't tell me?"

"Nope."

"You're going to have to tell me one of these days."

"I know."

"Why not just tell me now?"

"I have my…"

"Reasons." Finished Buffy. 

"Exactly."

**[2 hours, 32 minutes and 43 sec…44…45…2 hours and 32 minutes later]**

"I told you it was a stupid idea."

"No you didn't."

"I might not how said exactly that but I implied it."

"You said that this was going to be the best trip ever."

"Exactly."

"How does that imply the trip was a bad idea?"

"You have to read between the lines."

"Or read completely different ones."

"Whatever."

"Like as if."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Would I mock you?" Xander replied with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah your right. Your not capable of mocking me." Said Buffy in a matter of fact kind of way.

Xander smiled while continuing to stare out into the horizon.


	2. Breakdown Part one

**Road Trip**

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**Chapter Two – Breakdown (Part One)**

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It was early morning and the sun was just rising from the ground to take its rightful place in the sky. This meant that the temperature was within the bearable range not requiring either gallons of water or several layers of clothing. In this scene of serine delight nothing was stirring except for the metal cage racing along on the tarmac highway. And inside this metal cage there is our two heroes engaged in a battle of wits that the world has not seen since the days of comic books. 

"It's too hot." Said Buffy with a wave of her hand for added effect.

"Maybe if you took off a few of your layers you wouldn't be so hot." Replied Xander. 

"That's just what you want."

"Yeah, it's all part of my master plan."

Buffy looked out the window and seeing nothing of interest returned her vision back to the road in front and said, "I'm bored."

"Turn on the radio." Suggested Xander.

Buffy thought about it and decided that she didn't have anything to lose. She leaned forward and pressed several buttons until a man's voice emerged from the speaker. "Today we will be talking about the seven deadly sins. Sin number one…"A quick turn of the dial and the voice was gone. After a bit of a search and new voice emerged, "Sin number four…" Again the voice was quickly replaced by static and again after a search a new voice emerged, "Sin number six…" This time Buffy just turned it off and sat back in her chair.

"Aww…" Said Xander in mock disappointment, "I really wanted to know what the sixth deadly sin was."

"Excessive mockery." Came the reply.

"What's number seven then?"

After a pause Buffy responded, "Ugly shoes."

"The gospel according to Buffy." Xander said with a laugh, which caused Buffy to laugh.

Several minutes passed in which neither of them said anything.

"Man, it's hot." Xander said breaking the silence.

"I thought it was just me and my layers?" 

"Yeah I my have overestimated the effect of your layers."

"You want me to put on the A/C?"

"It's okay I'll do it." He adjusted his hands so that he could free one.

Buffy, seeing this, said, "I can do it."

"No it's okay."

"You don't trust me, do you?" She asked with an inquiring look.

"No it's not that." He replied noticing the look.

"What is it then?"

"It's…" Xander paused trying to buy some time for him to think up a good reason, "It's…err…it's…"

"It's…" Buffy parodying him.

"It's…" He continued, "It's because," but nothing came to his mind so he gave up, "Okay I got nothing."

"You don't trust me." Offered Buffy.

Xander considered doing the delaying tactic again but decided against it. Instead he decided to go down the honest path in the hope of picking up a few brownie points. "It's an old car and not everything works as it supposed to work. You might press the wrong button."

"And you know which button to press? " Buffy said, not apparently caring about Xander's honesty.

"Well…" But before he could finish Buffy leaned forward to press the A/C button, "What are you doing?" He shouted.

However before he could do anything she had pressed the button. There was a moment of silence as both waiting for something to happen but nothing did. She turned towards him and smiled.

"I trusted you." He said.

"Sure you did." Came the sarcastic reply.

"What?" He asked with pretend shock in his voice.

She was about to answer but before the words came out of her mouth the car made an unusual noise. As with most unusual noises made by cars it wasn't good. Within a few minutes massive plumps of smoke were bellowing from the engine. "Oh crap." Said Xander as he slowly parked the car on the edge of the road.

"It wasn't me." Said Buffy with as much innocence as she could muster.

"Sure you didn't." Xander replied looking straight at Buffy.

"What?"

Xander didn't respond as he opened his door and slid out. He walked to the engine and popped open the hood and stared at the engine. Buffy leaned out of the window and shouted, "What's wrong?"

Xander scratched his head and put on his best puzzled look and replied, "Probably the fan belt."

"The fan belt?"

"Yeah."

"Can you fix it?" 

Xander was by now deeply engulfed in the engine and examining what he saw before him causing him to not hear Buffy's question. She considered shouting again but decided to get out of the car and have a look herself. She walked up to the front of the car and saw Xander examining the engine, "Can you fix it?"

This caused Xander to leap up in shock and in doing so slammed his head against the roof of the bonnet. This, in turn, caused Buffy to laugh despite her best effort to suppress it. 

"God dammit!" Shouted Xander.

"So what's wrong?" Asked Buffy between chuckles.

"I hit my head." Said Xander rubbing his head.

"I meant with the car."

"Oh, I think it is the fan belt." He answered still rubbing his head.

"The fan belt?"

"Yeah."

Buffy looked Xander straight in the eyes and with a forceful look on her face asked, "Which one is the fan belt?"

He hesitated and then pointed to part of the engine, "There."

"That's not the fan belt." Buffy said dismissively

Xander looked confused; "It's not?"  

"Ah-ha!" Said Buffy with a finger pointed accusingly in Xander's direction.

"Ah-ha what?"

"Ah-ha you don't know which one is the fan belt."

"Crap." Said Xander in a low voice. "Okay fine, I don't know which one is the fan belt."

"Why did you say you did?" 

"Because men are supposed to know where the fan belt is."

"And women are supposed to know how to bake a cake?" Asked Buffy.

"No, of course not." Said Xander knowing a trap when he saw one.

"I bet you some men don't know where the fan belt is."

"Yeah and what kind of men are they?"

"You're saying not knowing where the fan belt is a sign of homosexuality?" Asked Buffy with a little bit of shock.

"What?" Said Xander with surprise. "No. I'm saying not knowing where the fan belt is a sign that you don't know how to fix a car." 

"Oh."

"I'll tell you what a good sign of homosexuality is." Offered Xander.

"Xander, stop and think if what you are going to say if appropriate."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Xander said with a grin. "Best not." 

The two of them stared at the broken engine. Then Buffy turned to Xander, "So you don't know how to fix this?"

"Nope." He said with no emotion.

Buffy looked up and down the stretch of road they found themselves on and saw nothing, not a car, a bird or even a lizard. She shielded her eyes and she looked up into the sky. It was the kind of clear blue sky that you are told exists but you don't quite believe does. And in this sky the sun was slowly gaining altitude and beginning to beat down upon them.

"We're screwed aren't we?" She asked turning to Xander.

He turned to meet her glaze and replied, again with no emotion, "Yep."


	3. Breakdown Part Two

Road Trip

****

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer… 

Within a few minutes massive plumps of smoke were bellowing from the engine. "Oh crap." Said Xander as he slowly parked the car on the edge of the road.

_Buffy looked up and down the stretch of road they found themselves on and saw nothing, not a car, a bird or even a lizard. _

_"We're screwed aren't we?" She asked turning to Xander._

_He turned to meet her glaze and replied, again with no emotion, "Yep."_

**Chapter Three – Breakdown (Part Two)**

****

Our two heroes (or pragmatists depending on your intellect) sat inside their car in the middle of nowhere with not a single thing moving for miles around. The sun was high in the sky resulting in ever increasing temperatures. 

"Ow!" Cried Buffy as she moved in her seat.

"What?" Asked Xander.

Buffy pulled out a small black object from her seat, "Damn mobile phone."

The two of them looked out at each then at the black object. Finally Xander asked, "Did you say damn mobile phone?"

"Yeah."

"Okay because that was what I thought you said." Said Xander returning to his glaze to the front of the car.

"Xander?" Said Buffy.

"Yeah."

"I have a mobile phone." She said in a matter of fact kind of way.

"Yeah." He answered with no emotion.

"I forgot I had one." She offered as an explanation.

"Uh-huh."

"Sorry."

He didn't reply. He just kept staring out of the window. Buffy didn't know what to do so she waited for him to say something. He didn't. Finally she decided to break the silence, "Xander?"

"Does it work?" He asked immediately after she finished.

"Oh." Said Buffy realising that she hasn't tried to turn it on. She pressed a button and it lit up. "Yeah."

"What about the signal?"

She looked down at the phone and her face dropped, "Damn." She moved the phone round the car in a vain attempt to somehow get a signal, "Nope."

"Figures."

Buffy kept moving the phone around in the apparent belief that somewhere in the car there was a pocket of air in which the phone would have a perfect signal. Xander was still staring out of the window but all of a sudden his eyes flicked and he turned to Buffy, "Buffy?"

"Yeah." She said not really paying attention.

"Do you reckon it would get a signal on, say, an elevated piece of ground?"

"You mean a hill?" She asked turning to face him.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Would it get a signal on a hill?"

"It might but I didn't see any hills around here."

Xander turned to the front and pointed, "What about that?"

Buffy squinted in the direction of where Xander was pointing and very far in the distance there appeared to be a hill, "Oh yeah." She turned to face him again, "But that's got to be three or four miles away."

"Yeah."

"You aren't suggesting we walk all the way there in the hope that we might be able to get a signal?" She asked.

"You got a better idea?"

Buffy looked at Xander, at the hill then back at Xander, "No."

Xander got out of the car and walked round to the back and popped open the boot. He scanned the contents and then picked up a backpack. He then went to the backseat and proceeded to put a couple of bottles of water and a few pieces of food in it. After he had done this he made his way to Buffy, who was still sitting inside the car. 

"Have a nice time." She said.

"What?" He asked.

"Have a nice time." She repeated a lot louder.

"Excuse me missy but aren't you coming?"

"No and don't ever call me missy." She replied.

"What do you mean your not coming?" He asked. 

"Basically, I'm not coming. I could answer further but I would need some colourful diagrams and charts." She said sarcastically.

"I get the feeling your mocking me." 

"Whatever would make you feel that?" She asked innocently.

"I have no idea." He said with a smile. "So are you coming or not?"

"Not." She answered. "Someone has to look after the car while you're gone."

"And that has to be you?" He asked.

"You are the man, aren't you?"

"It's amazing how quickly women's rights go out of the window in times of crisis." He said.

Buffy smiled, "Well they do call us the smarter sex."

"Only you call yourselves the smarter sex."

"Exactly."

"Anyway you're the Slayer."

"So?" She asked.

"You have Slayer powers."

"Yeah?"

"But you're the Slayer…oh forget it. I'll go."

Xander walked off in the direction of the hill.

"Xander?" Buffy asked.

"Yes?" Xander stopped and returned to the car, "What?"

"You forgot this." She said handing him the mobile phone.

"Oh." He said with bewildered look on his face, "Okay. I better get going." He hesitated then again walked off in the direction of the hill.

"Have fun!" Buffy called after him. 


	4. Breakdown Part Three

Road Trip

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer… 

_Buffy pulled out a small black object from her seat, "Damn mobile phone."_

_"I have a mobile phone." She said in a matter of__ fact kind of way_.__

_"Do you reckon it would get a signal on, say, an__ elevated_ piece of ground?"__

_"But that's got to be three or four miles away."_

_"What do you mean your not coming?" He asked._

_"Have fun!" Buffy called after him. _

**Chapter Four – Breakdown (Part Three)**

It was hot, really hot, really very hot, extremely very hot…well you get the idea. Buffy had given up the comfort of the car and was now lying on a piece of level ground by the side of the road. In all the while that Xander was gone no a single car has pasted. This had seriously hampered Buffy's plan of playing the number plate game to pass the time. Instead she decided on the only reasonable course of action, sunbathing. And so this is how Xander discovered her. 

He walked up to where Buffy was lying and without saying a word fall to the ground next to her. She turned her head slightly and then went back to staring at the blue, well it wasn't just blue it was really blue, really very blue…I'm doing it again. I'll just say the sky was blue and leave it at that. "Hey." She said lightly.

"Hey." He replied in the same tone.

"Have fun?"

"Yeah, it is surprisingly how fun a six mile hike can be." He said sarcastically.

"At least you got some exercise." She said trying to look on the bright side.

"I don't know, I hear sunbathing can be quite exhausting too." He said with a grin.

"So…" She hesitated on the word, "Did you?"

"Yeah." He answered knowing exactly what she meant.

"When?"

"Six hours." He said with no emotion.

"Six hours?" She exclaimed.

"Well six hours from when I called so it will probably be about…" He did a mental calculation, "Two to three hours."

"Three hours?" She exclaimed again.

"We are in the middle of nowhere and all, Buff."

"Yeah I know but still…" She didn't finish the sentence. 

"There's nothing we can do." Xander said in a resigned kind of way.

"I suppose." 

"Anyway," Xander turned to face Buffy, "At least it isn't as long as you're shopping trip."

"My shopping trip wasn't six hours." Buffy put on mock outrage but then turned to see the look on Xander's face, "Okay it was long but it wasn't six hours."

"Time must have stopped for me then." Again Xander was smiling.

"Well what about the time you spent looking for new sneakers." 

"We went to two shops."

"Yeah well…" 

"And they were next to each other." Said Xander remembering more of the event. "And I looked at like four pairs."

"Okay fine."

"And I…"

"I said okay fine." Buffy cut him off.

"Does that mean I win?" Xander asked.

"Win what?" She also asked.

"The argument." He answered.

"No."

"I never get to win the argument."

"Those are the rules."

"I hate the rules."

"Hey if you don't like them don't play."

"You don't know how hard I try."

"I don't think I want to know."

"Ahh...the amount of times I have heard that."

"I bet that isn't the phrase that you have most heard." Buffy said with a grin.

"I don't know what you mean." Xander replied also with a grin.

"No, not that one."

"I think it would be best if we leave it at that."


End file.
